So what is this ” Spiritually Awakening” all about? There are times when I tell people about what I do for a living and how I am particularly focused on assisting women who are Spiritually Awakening, I am often met with a blank perplexed expression, an indication of a lack of understanding but sometimes I do get the response of ” Oh My goodness, this sounds amazing, I need to know more.”
They recognise in an instant the double life they have been living,which caused them to seek answers in all the wrong places, the temporary expensive quick fixes which cost the most in terms of emotional, mental and physical pay outs.
I am predominantly sharing my personal story here but my wish for you the reader is that you may find within it some resonance as it relates to your own life and explain a little about what I believe to be the very poignant, in your face evidence of the awakening of our spirit.
Our spirit is our essence, it is who we are but it lies lounging on the somewhat mysterious layer of our consciousness, as if in the womb of our creative power, awaiting an opportunity to emerge fully charged and ready for action.
If it were only that straight forward ………
Religion Was Not For Me
In my own case, I began Spiritually Awakening at a very young age and have always known there is something out there that I am connected to that is very powerful, of that I have no doubt.
I am comfortable to call this power and force God, the Universe or Source energy.
As a child I was a rebel regarding my religious upbringing, but I soon learned not to be so vocal about it as it caused hurt to my father, stress to my mother and further confusion to me.
When I was 16 years old, a family friend who was a Jesuit priest was invited to dinner with a planned covert mission to convert me to be more aligned with my family’s religious beliefs.
However, respectful as I was in conversing with this very gentle, yet humorous man, our family friend was unable to answer many of the questions I posed and I clearly remember the defining moment there and then when the message I had received at age 6 came flooding back to me…. “There is another way”, and I knew it was up to me to find it.
Life is like the funfair and it’s many rides, giving us choices all the time, some easy on the nerves, others terrifying even without having a go and then there are the stalls selling the cheap and nasty tricks but despite knowing that, we still get ripped off.
I use this analogy to explain, my chosen ride was always the roller coaster and I lived life for a while like that of the roller coaster throughout my twenties. It was exciting, high and low, exhilarating, a little unpredictable, over-bearing and left me sometimes with a feeling of wanting more even though I knew that it was greedy, unrealistic and costly but more importantly it did nothing for me. Nada.
It was usually during those times when I knew I had over indulged on life’s pleasures that I came face to face with a pattern that was forming in my life and a conversation that was taking place inside my head. I had glimpses of my disconnection to what I knew so well was real and of a much higher vibration to me as an earth dweller.
I saw it in the innocent faces of children, in the cragged and wise faces of the elderly, in the sober face of my father,in every flower, leaf and wave, in the emptiness of my soul as it was reflected back to me in the mirror, in my dreams, but most of all I felt it in the pit of my stomach. It was an ache with a voice and it echoed through me, loud and clear.
It’s message was subtle in the beginning as if treating me like we might train a young pup in the various stages of it’s development, coaxing, encouraging, a little scolding and occasionally giving very clear instructions. So, it was and has been like this for me and I am sure for many others, most of my life.
The message was always suggesting to me to stop, get off the funfair ride and take notice. When I did obey the commands of the messenger, I knew I was alive, I knew I was living but I also knew I had at times such an emptiness that no holiday, romance, night out, new dress or massage could ever fill and for the record, I satisfied all of those desires all too often.
In particular, I remember during those years when I was single and had no-one to consider except myself, I wished and yearned for the day when I was no longer my own centre of attention. I was so over myself, bored to tears with myself. I think I may have had a Princess phase and I was unwittingly self-absorbed.
Running Away From Myself
I wanted to run away from myself, isn’t that crazy? I now understand I wanted to run away from the choices I had made. I wanted someone else to show me what to do but I was unable to articulate what I was feeling and therefore I didn’t know who to turn to. I remember being told, one time, years before, how loneliness and being alone are very different things. It was explained to me that loneliness is experienced when you’re all alone without a friend or family to share your life with but being alone and feeling isolated comes to some even when they are in a crowd.
I experienced the latter. My life was full of people, the work colleagues, numerous friends & family but for a short time only and I am grateful for that fact, I was so incredibly lonely.
I was living in London, partying to the small hours, shopping in every corner of the globe, meeting and greeting thousands of people in my job with BA as cabin crew and yet I felt invisible. No-one knew.
The Spiritual Awakening
Having tried numerous times to make changes in my social life, I gave up alcohol for short bursts but was never strong enough to last, easily coerced into a having a wine fuelled fun night out that left me often in mental despair, particularly the morning after those nights where I had drunk too much, had a black out and indulged in unemotional liaisons with a faceless male stranger.
I hasten to add I am not an alcoholic but a misguided socialiser who got fed up with it all.
It was the self-loathing I couldn’t handle and when I voiced how I felt, my lovely pals would say, “Relax, you’re far too hard on yourself, Pauline.”
It was’t their fault they couldn’t see the pain within me, I was fairly expert at putting on the street dance, the party hat and the often forced smile.
It was a perfected habit of mine, a performance of sorts, another diversion to camouflage the fear of stepping forward with conviction and belief that I could actually live my own life on my terms.
Seriously, how many times does one have to endure such self-harm?
Over the years, the journey of spiritual awakening revealed to me that many of those episodes of isolation were my biggest growth spurts. The times engaged in self-loathing were really enquiries and discovery sessions with my spirit.
The contemplations and ponderings were beginning to fill the emptiness inside. The learnings and the studies, the retreats and the healing sessions further permeated my being and brought a greater sense of wholeness.
The choices I was making were consciously made to nurture me and those I loved.
My life took off in a different direction, overflowing with yoga and meditation. The challenges and impatience still existed, I didn’t always demonstrate my knowledge in my reactions to situations until one day it hit me “DOH” and it all fell into place for me. I found myself observing myself in a non-judgemental way. I felt kindness and understanding for who I was and how it was all going to be ok.
The conversation in my head now was something like this “You mean I had to do all of this, create all of this to come to this realisation, that this is the process for me.?” I knew the answer, it was a distinct YES. This is how it showed up for me and I for it.
I have discovered the Spiritual Awakening that leaves some people with blank faces, puzzled looks and a sense of “let me slip gently away from this conversation with this nice but deluded woman” is all about REMEMBERING.
But, then there are those whom I speak to who suddenly light up from something we have said to one another as they themselves resonate with a piece of information and remember it’s relevance to their own lives.
Remembering you are a Spirit in human form, means you are therefore, Spiritual. The realisation of this and the consequences of this knowing is the Awakening.
It’s about joining the dots of your life to form the big picture and then you can color it whichever way you choose.
It’s about remembering to be kind to yourself first, to connect to your higher self first so you can lead those around you. I know not everyone is ready for this awakening and we are all in different stages of development and awareness.
The avoidance of or the delay in acknowledging the patterns and behaviours that cause so much distress and unhappiness in life is in itself the primary cause of such a reality.
I am glad I remembered something to tell you here at this point of my story. In April 2014, I made one of the easiest decisions of my life and decided once and for all, that I would never drink alcohol again and I haven’t. It simply didn’t fit my life, my thoughts, my dreams and my goals anymore. It never suited my body, mind or spirit and when I truly came to terms with this, it was a no-brainer as they say and I could walk away from something that had been a burden for most of my social life.
There are some things in your life that have expired their shelf life and are simply gathering dust or in a state of decay. If so, it might be time for a clean up.
Over to you now, if any of the above or something similar has ever been experienced by you and you feel overwhelmed by it all, I would guide you to relax and slowly celebrate the beginning of the magnificent journey of your life as a conscious human being, making conscious creative and nourishing choices and become true to who you are.