Remember Alison Moyet’s song “Invisible?”, it was released in 1984 around the time of my first career as a police woman in Ireland, at a time when everything seemed to be perfect in my world. I got the career I had wanted from as far back as I can recall and I had just turned 20 years of age. Life then was about fun, parties, meeting new people, solving crime and making a difference in the community where I policed, with the youth from disadvantaged back-grounds.
I used to feel helpless and hopeful all at once, as my many conversations on the streets of Dublin with these kids, who thought that their parents daily outings to the pub to get drunk, constituted them going to work, would somehow live a different life, guided by my very limited motivational skills in telling them, that they could be something different if they wanted to! I know, it’s a shocking reality and I felt a desperation towards these children. However, I did nothing further than my job allowed me to and I regret that.
It was the first time, that I felt invisible, voiceless and plain old useless. I know now, that it was courage and confidence, that were lacking in equal measure, from my life, back then. I was a rule follower, institutionalised and a conformist, which is what is called for when you work as a public servant. Law enforcement is one thing, community policing another but the bit I struggled with most, was the disdain I felt at being treated so dismissively in the wealthier suburbs where my job was considered to be not much more, than that of removing a stray dog from the manicured lawns or such like. I now know, it was me, who felt insignificant and it was me who dismissed me. That same sense of lack has haunted me so many times since.
Several years later, following a career change, I was living in London, working with British Airway’s, travelling the globe 5***** star style. Imitation Gucci, DKNY and Chanel were the order of the day, the sort of apparel when worn, that wouldn’t have been out of place, had I been an extra in an episode of AbFab. One night, in particular, Alison Moyet was singing through the speakers, in my car, ” Invisible, I feel like I’m Invisible” – that was all I heard of the song, she was describing me and I sobbed and wailed, I don’t know how I got to where I was going to, on that rainy night.
I felt so alone, isolated, afraid, anxious and so sad. I understood what it meant to be lonely in a crowd and I was living amongst a crowd of 11 million people.
The illusions of success, grandeur and misguided notions that this is the playground I was born to play in, had lost their appeal. I felt fake, in fact for a time everything was fake, the tan, the designer clothes, the relationships, the discounted hotels and destinations available to me. I felt empty. I was INVISIBLE to myself!
What I didn’t know was that the void inside me was simply a holding place, much like a waiting room, the in between place, until I found out what I was really supposed to do with my life.
Thankfully, I did find out. It was from looking back at what I loved doing more than any other thing. I knew I was a people person, I knew I always offered advice and support. I passed every interview I’d ever attended with excellent feedback of my people skills, I was given responsible jobs, even in school but because I wasn’t good at art or music, I believed I wasn’t creative.
I didn’t think being supportive and offering advice was a skill with a potential “vocation” label on it. I didn’t know then that this was the thread that Oprah refers to, running through my life, the BIG Clue, as to what my life purpose was to be.
Well, happy days, I am grateful for the loneliness and the imposed alone time. I reflected, I searched, I explored, I grew and I got through it. I used my natural investigative skills that had helped me during my police career and I solved the crime I committed against myself.
Now, I want to help you, if you have ever felt the same?
Do you feel invisible right now ? Are you experiencing some or all the following symptoms ? –
- Lack of Fulfilment
I know each one of these symptoms intimately and what I also know, is that they can be eliminated without prescription, when you bridge the gap from where you currently are to where you have a vision for your life and commit to living your life on purpose.
I feel blessed to have tasted that false sense of success because my life today is the complete polar opposite. It is designed by me, for me and for my family.
What I know for sure, is that, it’s okay to change direction when things don’t fit or feel right anymore.
Take off your invisibility cloak, roll back your shoulders, take a deep breath and get going on creating, inspiring, teaching and sharing your gifts with the world NOW!
love always Pauline xx
p.s – If you fancy a chat about becoming visible and sharing your gifts with the world, you can book a complimentary session with me here – http://advayatruth.com/complimentary-self-discovery-session/
p.p.s – I am offering a very Special offer on my new Coaching Program – Heal and Reveal Your Authentic Self, let’s find THE Big Clue! http://advayatruth.com/complimentary-self-discovery-session/